We all know deep down inside the answers to our personal relationship questions. Guidance from others about relationships often turns into confirmation of what we really already know, but are choosing to ignore. Sometimes we don’t know, but when we look at relationships from a different perspective we begin to see the reality of the situation.
I think of a conscious relationship as two people coming to the relationship table as whole individuals within themselves who have their own interests and their own goals and direction. They are free, for the most part, of things that need to be “healed”. They are choosing to be in a mutually supportive partnership with another human to work towards goals and be available to support someone else who is doing the same thing.
I know this may sound like a fantasy relationship but let me break it down into some questions that may help. These things cannot be looked at individually but must be looked at as a whole. By themselves these things may look attractive but looked at together they will paint a picture of the potential relationship and may point to difficulties. You are always able to choose if something feels right for you or not.
Here are some questions to ask before you get involved in a relationship.
I have recently started to ask the questions of potential partners to find out what I need to know, before I get involved. Honesty with yourself and others is huge. If you cannot trust your own or their motives then how is that a solid base to start with. Ask yourself what you are really looking for, and listen to he answer you come up with. I have found that if the words are not matching the actions, that is a huge indication of the mind not being on the same page as the feelings.
Are we coming together for comfort? Now it doesn’t matter if this is a financial comfort, or a friendship comfort. To me, comfort is just another way of saying nope I am done, I give up. I am ready to settle into something and just deal with whatever happens. Not always a bad thing, but take a look at the other questions.
Are we capable of giving each other what we need?
First, emotionally. Have we healed enough of our own personal traumas in our own life. Is our own cup full or empty? Do we have enough love to give our own self, so we are able to extend that love to other human beings.
Then the question is, mentally? Are we living a life that we can be present in. Living in the moment, free of depression which is living in the past, free of anxiety and worry which is a continuous part of ourselves thinking about the future. Or, are we for the most part at peace with our own life in this moment.
Next, I come to physically? Is our own life mostly free of health concerns, or addiction to any possible number of things. Of course a balance is what is needed when it comes to health. Are we also able to provide each other with a healthy sex life as well. I am NOT going to tell you what to do for your own health, what you feel is right for you then do it. We all need to do what feels right for us, at this time.
Finally, I come to spiritually? Will you be able to have open and flowing conversations with your partner about your what the universe is to you. Will your partner be able to express their views on the world and universe as well. Do either of you have certain beliefs about religion or philosophy that just don’t mesh. It is great to listen to someone talk about their beliefs, but wouldn’t you like to be able to freely share ideas without fear of heated unhealthy exchanges.
I don’t claim to be a relationship expert. I wanted to share some of the things I have noticed to be quite valuable tools in finding an equal partnership. And I must say this kinda works for all relationships. Two half healed people do not make a whole…I am not looking for my other half, because I am whole within myself.
The story continues….
Much Love. I’m no relationship expert by any means…but, I think this is a good start.
© 2014 & beyond Jenn Moreau
It all begins with knowing who we truly, authentically who we are at the core of our being.
3 truths we must remember about relationships:
Your partner’s job isn’t to make you happy. You’re both responsible for cultivating your own happiness within, and bringing it to the relationship.
Most problems are expectation problems. Instead of villainizing your partner for not thinking or behaving like you, start by adjusting your expectations.
Every relationship is different, with different values, and different priorities. So resist the urge to compare your relationship to anyone else’s relationship.