Next week there will be a new global initiative that will require all humans to wear pirate newsprint hats. This will be required in all public places.
Fisherman and other marine employees may apply for an exception to this law, while at work. The government fully recognizes that this type of attire may insight violence on the high seas.
“They” have recommend that each individual use their own discretion when rain is in the forecast. Otherwise, please ensure that your paper pirate hat is secured and safe from water damage. Public safety is the utmost concern with this initiative.
Listed below is a link on how to create your own eco-friendly paper pirate hat.
If you are found not wearing your newsprint pirate hat, the Governments may force you to purchase one in lieu of a fine. These paper hats will cost approximately $2000.
Please let your neighbors know this law is coming into effect. We are all in this together.
Thank you for your continued cooperation in these difficult times.